


Bring Back the Hope

by Tarim



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Fluff, M/M, bad-written sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-15
Updated: 2015-04-15
Packaged: 2018-03-23 03:56:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,591
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3753586
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tarim/pseuds/Tarim
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>One of Dan's university friends confess to him and make him think about feelings he had tried to forget.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Bring Back the Hope

**Author's Note:**

> Warning : a bit fluffy/unrealistic/cheesy. You might puke rainbows. Also you might puke more horrible things because it's really bad written. I speak french, I like writing in french a lot, and all of a sudden, because I watch two british boys, I write 2600 words in English. That couldn't end well. In fact, I don't even know why I'm sharing this, I wrote it only to get thinks out of my brain and also as an exercise, but you probably won't benefit anything from this. Obviously I'm accepting corrections of any kind, but that's only if your eyes aren't bleeding too much / you haven't thrown your computer out of the window / you haven't swallowed a whole English dictionary because of my horrible mistakes. I'm so sorry. Also I'm accepting criticism, because you know, improving, yay !

« I'll be back for dinner, bye ! » shouted Dan through the apartment, and he slammed the door behind him. It was a beautiful day, and it seemed like spring was really beginnig. He wasn't even too late, but he hurried on his way to the underground anyway, too impatient to see his friend Carla, who was back from one year in Kenya. 

She was already in the cafe, in front of a beer, and adressed him a bright smile when he went through the door. He hugged her tightly, genuinely happy to see her again.  
« So, tell me everything, I'm so excited to hear your adventures.  
\- And adventures there are ! » she replied with sparkles in her eyes. Dan examined her as she was talking, grinning and making wide moves with her hands from excitement. She was a brilliant medecine student that he had met when he was at university. They didn't see each other very much, even before Carla's long trip to Africa, but they had always managed to stay in touch despite Carla's demanding studies and Dan's increasing notoriety. She had changed a lot since last time, Dan thought. And it was not only a matter of suntan. She was so much more confident and serene. She had always been quite a jolly girl, but at this moment she was practically glowing with happiness.

After some time babbling about her peregrinations in Africa, Carla couldn't countain herself anymore.  
« Dan, something else happened in Kenya. I... I met someone. » she said, blushing.  
« But that's great ! How is he ? What's his name ?  
\- Helena. »

Dan hugged her, assuring her multiples times how happy he was for her, but all he was thinking was « Oh God, so much things make sense now, I was freaking blind, I'm such an idiot. »  
He was mentally killing himself for assuming that she talked about a man. After all, she had never introduced him to any boyfriend, or even talked about it. Some people at university were wondering why she was still single, considering that she was probably one of the prettiest and kindest girls of the whole campus, but Dan had always thought that she was simply focusing on medecine. 

« You're the first person I come out to, so don't spread it all over tumblr or whatever stupid you could do. »  
Dan was honored by such a proof of trust. He promised he would keep the secret. That would be just another one. 

On his way back home, Dan was thinking about the reverse situation. He was imagining himself telling Carla about his significant other, and her congratulating him and paying him a beer. Maybe the only difference would be that he couldn't say he had « met someone », as the very person he was thinking about was in his life for almost seven years now. But he knew it wouldn't be that simple. His love life was more or less stuck in fanfiction or shitty photo collages on the internet. It was working for now because all of it was surrounded by an aura of mystery and fiction. Whatever they were inventing for his love life, a lot of them knew the border between reality and fantasy. But if Dan happened to bring to reality any kind of romantic relationship, wether with a man, a woman or an alien, it would create a massive shitstorm and probably make tumblr explode. Without mentioning, of course, the reaction of the very person he had in mind. 

But he was not sad. He might not be as over the moon as Carla was, but things were going pretty well for him. He was busy enough to not think about his life or love issues, he was spending a lot of time with Phil and his projects were all going in the direction he wanted. But the conversation with his friend had brought back the hope and envy he had put all his forces in burying deep down. He had almost convinced himself, in the past few months, that he could be satisfied to just be at Phil's side, sharing silly games and awesome projects, but it had all be destroyed at the second Carla had mentioned how amazing her life with Helena was.  
When he reached home, the apartment smelled incredibly good, and he glanced on the kitchen to see Phil mixing various ingredients that all seemed delicious.  
« What are you making, I swear to God this is the smell of heaven ! » Dan exclaimed. Phil giggled, amused and proud at the same time, and Dan's heart instantly melted.  
« Oh great, what have I done to myself, my brain will stop functioning again and this will be the great return of Heart Eyes Howell. We really don't need this at the moment, with all the projects going on. We need to prove that we know how to work hard and handle things, not how Daniel Howell turns stupid and cheesy whenever he meets his flatmate's gaze. » He tried not to let see what was going on his mind right now, and just smiled as he began to set the table. 

The meal was as excellent as Dan had predicted, and they ate it chatting enhusastically about everyhing and nothing. After that, Phil suggested watching a movie, and they resumed their favourite spots on the sofa. Dan had trouble focusing on the plot, too busy thinking about the tall man cuddled in the cushions next to him. He had locked his eyes on the screen, too afraid to look at Phil with these easy-to-read eyes. It was after figuring out that a character had died fifteen minutes ago without him knowing it that Dan took the decision to contact Carla again, to tell her everything, hoping to clear up his mind and put away this weight on his heart. She had trusted him, he was sure he could do the same. 

Unfortunately, Carla was in the south to see her family, and didn't really had the time to hang out, even on skype. Dan understood perfectly ; if he had been away for one year, he would like to spend the most time possible with his family. But the situation was starting to be problematic. His projects were going so well that he had less occasions to drown himself in hard work and more time to consider the happiness of all the cute couples around him. It was not only Carla and Helena. His cousin was going on honeymoon with his gorgeous new wife, and some of his friends made sure to upload on facebook every move their significant other could make or even think of.  
His own life was full of Phil. He was not only eating with him, sitting next to him on the couch or going to town with him at his side ; he was also doing exciting projects with him and talking with him on national radio. How could he possibly not be thinking about him all the time ? His smiles and silly jokes were genuine, but he also wanted to be able to touch him, take care of him and call him... his boyfriend ? Yes, he also wanted that. « Well, I'm fucked. In three days time I'll be crying on my bed listening to depressing songs like a thirteen year old girl, I know myself. »

Carla had come out to almost all her friends and family now. And the world was still spinning, no meteor had crashed on her head and she was getting a lot of support. She had to deal with some homophobic people, unequal rights and weird stares on the street, but she was ruling it, she was standing straight in her shoes, kissing Helena in front of the world and smiling even wider than before. And Dan started to think it was possible. Hope was growing in his chest. It was maybe even worse than despair, because it was running through his mind night and day. Plus, the main problem was not the other people, it was Phil itself. Phil liked him, Dan had no doubt. In a friendly way. But despite what people said, Love Eyes Lester were not a thing ; it was simply a look of someone caring for someone else, not a madly-in-love look. And Phil did care a lot for the people in his life. It was his personality ; he always made sure that everyone was okay, and that went through this deep look he was familiar with. Dan couldn't deny that their friendship was probably very important to Phil, and after all these years building trust, laughter and careness, there was no way Dan would dare destroying this amazing friendship for some stupid hormones thing or whatever he was feeling right now. After all, love was only some molecules fucking things up, right? « Sentiment is a chemical defect found in the losing side. », he remembered that. 

« Trying to convince yourself again, Howell, huh ? » he mumbled as he went by the bathroom's mirror. Great, now he was talking to himself again. « I need a fucking psychiatric hospital. »

In the evening, Dan and Phil went downtown to buy a couple of things they needed and have dinner in a nice sushi place. Dan was quieter than usually and Phil was starting to worry. He felt those things somehow, when he wasn't too distracted. He begged his friend to told him what was wrong.  
« Okay, so, do you know my friend Carla ? The one who's back from Africa. She is a lesbian and has come out to me and pretty much all of her friends and family. She's doing so well, she's such a proud kick-ass, I'm starting to feel jealous. If I've not undertaken my bisexuality, that's not because I'm ashamed or scared. Maybe in the past I was still a bit confused and struggling, but now I'm a grown man, I'm quite sur of what I am. But the thing is I might have fallen for the wrong person Phil.  I've tried so hard to erase that, bury it in the locked rooms of my brain, cut it off...»  
His voice died in his throat, and his sight sank into his sushi plate.  
Phil had been listening quietly, his bright eyes and full attention all turned to Dan. He broke the silence with a very quiet and deep voice.  
« Am I this wrong person ? »  
Dan couldn't keep his eyes off the sushi. He had began playing nervously with the chopsticks. All of the courage he had put in his previous speech was gone. Phil stood up from his seat, went around the table to reach Dan and bent down to take him in his arms. They just hugged silently for a few seconds.  
« I'm really unsure of what's going to happen right now. » murmured Phil, his head still buried in Dan' shoulder. « I've always seen you as my best friend, trying not to consider the other options. » he continued, resuming his place at the opposite side of the table, his blue eyes intensely rived on Dan's face. « I absolutely don't know where it's going, but I think we should give it a try indeed. You're really important to me after all. Plus you're quite... like handsome or something. » he added, blushing a bit.  
And this is where the fireworks began in Dan's stomach. He couldn't help but smile widely, with a thousand stars in his eyes, intensifying the brown color of his irises. 

They finished their sushis chatting in low voices, their gazes stuck in each other's. Phil looked a bit frightened of this new step in their relationship, and he was trying even harder than usual to be funny and distracting and dorky. But Dan could see in his eyes the genuine joy of being here right now. As they went out of the restaurant, Dan hesitantly grabbed Phil's hand, and Phil squeezed his, walking even closer next to him. It was now raining.  
« I would have offered you my coat like a romantic gentleman, but yours is warmer than mine. Also I have no umbrella. And...  
\- Phil wowowow Phil, stop. The fact that I want to be in a relationship with you does not mean that you have to give me umbrellas or even protect me or whatever. You don't have to freak out, to try to entertain me like you were, you don't have to be more perfect, more romantic or anything. I don't demand anything from you, okay ? I like you. And I don't have to be in a romantic place, under a comfortable umbrella to do so. »

They reached their apartment, and for a few seconds just stood awkwardly in the hallway. « Now what ? » was the silent question floating between them. Dan finally moved towards the kitchen.  
« Fancy a cup of tea ?  
\- Sure. Also we should watch Louise's new video, she sent me the link, she would like to have some advice. »  
They sat on the couch with Phil's laptop between them, their mugs side by side on the armrest. As the video started playing, Phil put his arm around Dan's shoulders, and the instant after, they were cuddling so close that they only ressembled a ball of vaguely human limbs and warmth.  
« We should just stay here to sleep. You're so comfy. » said Dan. They wandered on youtube for some time and gently slipped into sleep, still into each other's arms. 

Dan woke up early because of the light flooding the lounge. He felt a warm body against him. He was slowly remembering last night, helplessly grinding at the fact that nothing of that was a dream. Phil opened his eyes and giggled at the view of a Dan still stuck in his arms, looking at him awkwardly but with profound love. He had messy curly hair and Phil caught himself finding it damn arousing. 

Dan thought it would be a little strange to wake up as a couple when they were not used to that amount of proximity. And frankly it was, and for a moment they remained still, wondering how to behave in that situation. But all of this was overwhelmed by their joy and excitement for this new adventure. 

Phil put a tender kiss on Dan's lips, and stood up to prepare breakfast.  
« Wait, we didn't even kiss last night. » Dan said. They both laughed at the sudden realisation. Was it absurd ? Probably. But they already were anyway. That kiss though, even if it was tiny, was so pleasant that Dan felt the urge to experience it again. He stood up and grabbed Phil's shoulders, looking straight in his eyes. He could just think for a second about their marvelous color before they were closed by reflex as their lips collided. He felt Phil's hand around his neck, in his hair and then against his chest to push him gently against the nearest wall. Phil was now definitely exploring the inside of his mouth, and Dan could hardly think about anything else than the softness of his lips and the incredible warmth he was feeling inside. 

They didn't even pulled away to catch their breath. Their mouths separated, but they were still only a few centimeters away from each other.  
« Okay, remember yesterday when I told you I liked you ? It's more like I love you, Phil Lester. I really really love you. I... I thought you should know that. », he added, suddenly blushing at the realisation of how serious he sounded.  
« We must look really cheesy. » Phil replied. « And I don't care one bit, because I also really love you, Dan. »

**Author's Note:**

> I could write a sequel, I have ideas for that, but I'm not sure if that's a good idea/really necessary. Tell me if you want more^^ (Given my style, probably not. Anyway^^)


End file.
